Big Brother Arewa, Off Ya Mic!, Wizkid Fans Should Let Him Grow
Breakdown Of What Makes Nigerian Culture Pop!| Vol. 6
Hello. This country is making it really hard to be sane but we must do what we have to do to stay above water.
I just want to give a wholesome fuck you to the APC, PDP and the Nigerian political class.
Oh and if you are down with them as an affiliate, influencer, and enabler, fuck you too.
Now let us start what we have come to do!
Big Brother Arewa
Yeah, it’s that time of year again when millions of Nigerians watch 20 strangers live in a house for weeks and battle it out for fortune and fame.
What makes it better this year is that at the time Nigerians are watching this season’s edition of Big Brother Naija, the Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) “has ordered all property owners and their agents to charge 6% Stamp Duty on all tenancy and lease agreements they enter into with all leases and remit promptly to the Service.”
Wow...look at that. When BBNaija Season 6 comes to town next year, we will all be homeless but does that matter when we can still ogle the big breasts of some of the contestants and lust after the Johnny Bravo built male contestants.
Big Brother is back and everyone’s mother is offended. It’s the era of the PC culture so everyone wakes up naturally offended at oxygen for entering their nostrils without consent.
James Brown (not the iconic American singer) is offended that BBN won’t admit people like him (men that dance like Shakira and have a sketchy accent?), ‘thick people’ are mad that they are not represented in the house, while Lupita’s cousins are mad that BBN looks like a Delta Soap advert from 10 years ago.
Everyone is pissed at Big Brother for something including some of our friends in the Northern part of the country. The moral police officers from the North say BBN is immoral and promotes the wrong values.
I think there are more issues plaguing Northern Nigeria than BBN such as drug abuse, poverty and Arewa Me Too. Here is a bright idea, these moral agents should create their own reality show that showcases these morals and let the rest of the country be.
And Lai Mohammed should play smart. If a show would distract young Nigerians from protesting then he better leave it be.
Off ya mic!
Big Brother Naija is a phenomenon and not many events can upstage it unless you are a group of jobless politicians throwing accusations at each other.
This week, the Minister of Niger Delta, Godswill Akpabio, revealed that federal lawmakers are the biggest beneficiaries of contract awards from the Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC).
Ol’ boy na the matter dem still dey try settle.
It doesn’t end there. A man with a funny name, Pondei, fainted on live TV when asked about the missing millions in the NDDC. The poor man almost had his mouth yanked off by an over enthusiastic actor who didn’t read the script. He reminded me of the acting on Africa Magic Yoruba, over the top.
Nigerian politicians are the curses that keep on cursing. They stoop lower than a runs girl doing a promo in a small flat in Ajah. The weird thing is we see this as entertainment. We laugh and post memes but we are Emperor Nero playing the fiddle as Rome burns.
But what do I know? Some of us tweeted #BlackLivesMatter in solidarity with African Americans as they protested against police brutality in their communities.
Now, billions of Naira are missing and we are tweeting hashtags of our favourite contestants. Nigeria is a dictator’s dream.
Lai Mohammed should play smart. If a TV show would distract young Nigerians from protesting then he better leave it be.
Wizkid Fans Should Let Him Grow
Wizkid has a new record called ‘Smile’ featuring the uber-talented H.E.R. This song is probably Wizkid’s best single in two, three years.
‘Smile’ is a proper record in every sense of the word. It doesn’t lean on the usual Afrobeats trope to score a hit. It is a mature offering from an artist who has been on the forefront of Nigerian pop music for a decade.
To me it seems, Wizkid’s famous/notorious fan base are not really happy with this record. I mean this is quality music from their god but it seems they want some tungba/lamba music rather than good stuff. The response to ‘Smile’ has been muted.
The anticipation of his next single which looks more dance-oriented proves that Wizkid’s fans are fixed on dancing than growth.
And here lies the problem. Wizkid’s fans should know that he can’t keep giving you fluffy songs. He has to grow artistically and musically. ‘Smile’ is a move in the right direction.
Wizkid’s fans should grow up too and let the legend breathe. Everyday is not for Soco music.
Fisi +
The great Nigerian thespian Tonto Dikeh has said it is important to teach young women how to make money instead of giving them relationship advice. I agree. Now, we are waiting for her financial syllabus and book on how she made built her empire.
Singer Seyi Shay should be 2020’s Woman of the Year. The beautiful singer says she is okay with her husband having side chicks while she remains 100% faithful. Kings, get you a pro-patriarchy woman. There are still many of them who haven’t joined the coven.
And gentlemen of Lagos, I have discovered something about going on dates in this great city of ours. If you do not have a date limit, you will end up just feeding the needy. After 2 dates and the babe doesn’t ‘gree’ for you, say bye bye. What’s the point of going on countless dates with a woman who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you? You will just be racking bills for nothing.
Lastly, speaking of Kanye West, I think he is….AOT2! Off ya mic! No, it’s enough Off ya mic! Off ya mic! I rest my case.
Video Club 📼
Warrior Nun - A lady recommended that I watch this series. It's about a paralyzed orphan who comes back to life with the power of an angel. She has been chosen to fight demons and the devil apparently. It sounds cool on paper but this series is for Netflix & Drill (oops I mean Chill) purposes. Play the first 15 minutes and get down to business.
The Old Guard - Charlize Theron has to be the best action movie star. She proves that her role as Imperator Furiosa in Mad Max was no fluke. She leads with authority in ‘The Old Guard’. Sure, I could spot the snitch a mile away but it is a good movie to watch. And there is a sequel in the works too. We get to see Charlize kick more ass.
Music Recommendations 🎧
The Prelude EP by Pink Sweat$ - This sultry singer has been on my radar for awhile now and he is mighty impressive. His new body of work shows what his album will sound like when it arrives. If you love laid back, feel good music then get your pink sweats on and rock with this.
No Pressure by Logic - My new favorite white MC (G-Eazy snap out of it!) is bowing out of the game after an impressive discography. Personally, No Pressure is Logic’s best work in three years. It’s a shame that this is his curtain call...but as we all know, retired rappers are faker than guys claiming to be in the real estate and bitcoin business.
Essential Read 📖
Digital Candy
A new player has entered the game…
Your comments on the current happenings in Nigeria are so thoughtful and funny. I really enjoyed this piece. You're a very good writer, I still remember a short story you wrote on pulse, I think it was called "ariya unlimited". I loved that story.
I disagree with Wizkid's Smile being in a proper record in every sense of the word tho.
Please I've heard great commercial reggae songs, Bob marley hits, in recent times, magic - Rude.
Look the truth is Wizkid's smile apart from the nice production sound is a pretty basic record
The concept is ordinary, the lyrics, nothing I haven't heard before.
I listen to all genres of music, but I can't put Wizkid's song on repeat, it's boring, there's nothing to hold on to.
Even if wizkid drops a dance song na, if it doesn't bang, it will only trend for a while, then it will be ignored quickly.
If song no sweet, then song no sweet.
Whether na tungba, reggae, dancehall e.t.c e no enter, e no enter.
I think the whole Wizkid is doing serious music thing now is just a cop out, the man has run out of truly profound creative ideas as per melodies and lyrics.